I would like to think of myself as not being a materialistic person. I would choose people over any item or accomplishment I could gain, I don't feel the need to wear make-up all the time, I wear dorky glasses, I love thrifting and being crafty...but as I take a closer look at my life...at my stuff, I see a closet full of clothes that I am proud to own, and the newest shampoo for my unruly hair, and pieces of art that I've worked hard on and would be hesitant to give away.
I see things, a lot of things. I see pride, a lot of pride.
While I was in Kenya, I survived out of two suitcases and a backpack. That's it! I mean, I did go shopping, and borrow other clothes from friends, but for the most part, I had not even half of what I have here in the States.
I came home ready to throw everything away (well, give them away to people who are in need). Yet, when I arrived back home, I am sad to say how quickly I got right back into the swing of things. I was materialistic, bored when I had the same meal two nights in a row, self-conscious, conceited, and more concerned with my appearance than I ever had been before in my life.
In Kenya, I would go days with out showering and wearing make-up. We ate 4 pieces of bread every morning for breakfast and could guarantee we would be eating rice and beans at least once a day. I got creative with the outfits I wore...and yes, I even repeated outfits daily sometimes haha.
Another thing I noticed was that in Kenya, I felt more dependent on God. In America, what do I really go without? And what do I ever have to give up in order to be a Christian? I mean, I don't have to give up my material objects, I don't have to give up my rights & freedoms, I don't have to really change much. In order to live a Christ-honoring life, I should be at least willing to give those things up though. Sometimes I might lose a friend, or feel awkward, or uncomfortable when I take a stand for Christ, but there are literally people who are rejected by their families and being killed for their faith daily in other parts of the world. It is comfortable to be a Christian in America. Relatively speaking.
Comfort...I am beginning to see comfort as my number one enemy these days.
My comfort has cause me to complacent and mundane in my daily walk. It has cause me to be lackadaisical about life and desensitized to my surroundings. It has made me selfish.
Even though I am frustrated by myself, I do take comfort that the Holy Spirit continues to convict me of my ways and keep me striving towards righteousness.
Philippians 3:7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.
I also know that although I complained about some things while I was in Kenya, I would not give up anything about that experience. I think that everything happens for a reason. I definitely wouldn't go back in time and fix the water heaters, pave the road to campus, buy more bug spray, erase the scars on my legs, or bring more clothes. I might add some more fruit and veggies to the diet we ate throughout the week though haha. Fruits and veggies never hurt anyone right? Or is even that being a selfish American with high standards?
I honestly see the ways in which I live and view life are sometimes wrong...I know there are flaws in my worldview. It makes me sick...sometimes I feel like the only way I'll be content again is if I live in a hut in Africa and am forced to be content with everything I have and rely on God for everything. Because how else can I, in this fleshly body of mine, choose the right thing, or have the right response to every circumstance or experience in my life. How can I be politically correct and always sensitive to diversity? How can I truly worship God for being my provider, when it is so easy to give myself the credit for every object and achievement in my life?
God himself says in John chapter 15:5, "...apart from me you can do nothing."
He must increase, I must decrease -John 3:30
